Another Pothole in The Highway

   A woman walks into an accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.
   The accountant says, "Before we begin, I’ll need to ask you a few  questions."  He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks,"What’s your occupation?" 
   "I’m a Lady of the night," she says.
   The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, " Let’s try to rephrase that."
   The woman says, "OK, I’m a high-end call girl".
   "No, that still won’t work. Try again."
   They both think for a minute; then the woman says, "I’m an elite chicken farmer."
   The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?"
   "Well, I raised a thousand little peckers last year."
   "Chicken Farmer it is."

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FIND THE MAN IN THE COFFEE BEANS :
This is bizarre — after you find the guy — it’s so obvious. Once you find him — it’s embarrassing, and you think, Why didn’t I see him immediately?

Doctors have concluded that if you find the man in the coffee beans in 3 seconds, the right half of your brain is better developed than most people.  If you find the man between 3 seconds a nd 1 minute, the right half of the brain is developed normally.  If you find the man between 1 minute and 3 minutes, then the right half of your brain is functioning slowly and you need to eat more protein.  If you have not found the man after 3 minutes, the advice is to look for more of this type of exercise to make that part of the brain stronger!!!
And, yes, the man is really there!!! 

    If you can’t find him, look on the bottom row of coffee beans, his face is less than half-way from the left border (about one-third in). 

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   The marriage of an 80 year old man and a 20 year old woman was the talk of the town. After being married a year, the couple went to the hospital for the birth of their first child.

   The attending nurse came out of the delivery room to congratulate the old gentleman and said, ‘This is amazing.  How do you do it at your age?’

   The old man grinned and said, ‘You got to keep the old motor running.’

   The following year, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their second child. The same nurse was attending the delivery and again went out to congratulate the old gentleman.

   She said, ‘Sir, you are something else.   How do you manage it?’

   The old man grinned and said, ‘You gotta keep the old motor running.’

   A year later, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their third child.

   The same nurse was there for this birth also and, after the delivery, she once again approached the old gentleman, smiled, and said, ‘Well, you surely are something else!  How do you do it?’

   The old man replied, ‘It’s like I’ve told you before, you gotta keep the old motor running.’

   The nurse, still smiling, patted him on the back and said:  ‘Well, I guess it’s time to change the oil. This one’s black.’

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   The old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years, he had faithfully served the people of the nation’s capital in Washington D.C. 

   He motioned for his nurse to come near.

   ‘Yes, Father?’ said the nurse.

   ‘I would really like to see President Bill and Senator Hillary Clinton before I die,’ whispered the priest.

   ‘I’ll see what I can do, Father.’ replied the nurse.

   The nurse sent the request to the Senate and waited for a response.

   Soon the word arrived; the Clintons would be delighted to visit the priest. As they went to the hospital, Hillary commented to Bill, ‘I don’t know why the old priest wants to see us, but it certainly will help our images and might even get me elected President.

   "After all, I’m IN IT TO WIN IT."’  Bill agreed–it was a very good thing for her campaign once they put out a press release about it.

   When they arrived at the priest’s room, the old priest took Bill’s hand in his right hand and Hillary’s hand in his left. There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest’s face.  Finally Bill Clinton spoke. ‘Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?’

   The old priest slowly replied, ‘I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.’

   ‘Amen,’ said Bill.

   ‘Amen,’ said Hillary.

   The old priest continued, ‘He died between two lying thieves. I would like to do the same.’

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This is scary for anyone who travels frequently by plane!!!! Actual crack in a USAirways DC-9 window! Fliers beware of the sub standard maintenance on the airplanes that you fly on.

This is an actual crack that was found in the window frame on a DC-9. I’ll definitely think twice before flying USAir.

Had to make you laugh today……
Someone "got me" so I had to "get you"!
Have a great day and keep on laughing.

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   I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:
A half-gallon of 2% milk
A carton of eggs
A quart of orange juice
A head of lettuce
A 2 lb. can of coffee
A 1 lb. package of bacon

   As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier.

   While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single.’

   I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict’s intuition, since I was indeed single. I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.

   Curiosity getting the better of me, I said: ‘Well, you know what, you’re absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?’

   The drunk replied, ‘Cause you’re ugly."

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   The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists. Two men and a woman.

   For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair . . . Kill Her!"

   The man said, "You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you’re not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."

   The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. Then man came out with tears in his eyes, " I tried, but I can’t kill my wife."  The agent said, "You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

   Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room.  Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. "This gun is loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."

MORAL: Women are evil.  Don’t mess with them.

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Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman.
Many females use a date rape drug on the market called ‘Beer.’
The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, or from taps and in large ‘kegs’.

Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and sleep with them.

A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no
strings attached sex.
Men are rendered helpless against this approach.
After several beers, men will often succumb to the desires to sleep with horrific looking women whom they would never normally be attracted.
After drinking beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that ’something bad’ occurred.
At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life’s savings, in a familiar scam known as ‘a relationship.’
In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as ‘marriage.’ !

Men are much more susceptible to this scam after beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.

Please! Forward this warning to every male you know.
If you fall victim to this ‘Beer’ scam and the women administering it, there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly victimized men.

For the support group nearest you, just look up Golf Courses’ in the phone book.
To view a video to see how beer works click on Beer Demo below:
Beer Demo

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